Saturday, September 29, 2007

An Addition to the New Book of Proverbs

(note: this goes in the chapter following "Watcheth where thy maketh thy rest in the Psychology Lab, and beware that thou dost not poketh thy nose into business that is not thine, lest ye discover ye sitteth next to the brain of a sheep.")

"My son, taketh thee not a high-maintenance girl into thine heart. She is the viper that shall bite thy tongue and surely she will sicken thy veins with her venom."

Sometimes, when something like that news article crosses my path, I begin to suspect that one of the direct results of the Fall was the irreversable loss of common sense.

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edit: in retrospect, this post seems incredibly cynical and insensitive to the consequences of this poor drunken idiot's decision of how to impress his ex-girlfriend. But hey, he's okay now; have a guilt-free laugh, folks.
And watch out for snakes.

6 comments:

The Sheep said...

What was that guy doing keeping rattlesnakes as pets anyways? He is clearly not very bright. I'm not really afraid of snakes (in fact, I've held poisonous snakes before), but I would never put a rattlesnake in my mouth. First, even if it wasn't poisonous it can and will still bite. Second, snakes carry disease and it is incredibly unsanitary to put one in your mouth. This guy was seriously lacking in common sense.

Jobber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jobber said...

Oops...
"I would never put a rattlesnake in my mouth." -- famous last words, there.

Elizabeth said...

Famous last words that are only slightly more famous than those: "Don't worry, it's a nice snake" and "Heheheh-- watch this!". (Or "Hey, I'm done studying; I'll check the blog discussions!" That's quite a captivating un-post, Joben)
Note: audience, it's only alright to patronize someone injured due to stupidity after they've fully recovered, and never to his/her face. It's like putting the videos of life-threatening and surely-they-will-die-but-miraculously-don't situations on TV or YouTube -- it's only okay if everyone comes out alive.
That is all.

Jobber said...

"Patronize not a silly man until his tongue is no longer life-threateningly swollen."

Elizabeth said...

*insert applause here*
I think that's quotes-page worthy.